tv The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Comedy Central December 4, 2013 7:30pm-8:01pm PST
religious beliefs. >> jon: oh, my god! special considerations. everything has changed. [ laughter ] wait, what has changed? >> during the one hour class is pool is shut down, men's locker room is locked and female lifeguards are brought in. >> jon: oh, my god everything has changed. dogs walk babies, dancing makes you sad. tears come out of your ears and snot comes out of your butt which is not how it is now, i can tell that you. [ laughter ] actually though it seems like the only thing that has changed because of sharia law is one ymca pool's schedule white board. it seems like the only thing. i could see how that that could be traumatic. first they came for our tuesday
synchronized aqua dance andy not speak out. [ laughter ] -- aqua dance, and i did not speak out -- [laughter] because i prefer water exercise with a pool noodle. what is it like to live in that world of pure fear and despair where every inconsequential change in what was becomes a harbinger of a apoke lips where only muslims can swim and the sidewalk game where decent law abiding white folk are randomly knocked out has replaced baseball as the favorite pasttime. >> a new battle in the war on christmas. >> the war on christmas. >> the is school district that is saying faith based tunes have no place in the elementary school. >> the majority of americans celebrate christmas so everybody should have the right to enjoy
the season without the interference of a few bah humbug bullies. >> jon: how can i enjoy my christmas when i know a little boy isn't forced to sing oh, little town of bethlehem. >> sarah palin has a new book out about the meaning of christmas. [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> jon: i was hoping for blitz en but she'll do. >> can you understand why none who is not a christian would feel uncome for thible of something from the bible from the new test. coming from the government because to them it might feel like the government is picking a
religion and it's not theirs. >> well, there's things we can do about that to i guess lessen that offense. we can do that in the personal life. in my family we have the menorah out through december on our cich en take. i want to teach my children about the jewish faith. >> jon: quick word to the palin kids, while i appreciate the gesture, jews don't actually just leave a menorah out for the month of december. [cheers and applause] like a knickknack in a curio case. goes in the window and only put it there for eight days. palin kids this is not a menorah. now, there's got to be someone who can defend christmas with a little more authority. over the years we've taken on the role of protecting the federal holiday of christmas. >> jon: even though it's in in
any way threatened. i'll bite. tell me why this year it's especially egregious to use the phrase happy holidays. >> what is interesting this year is hanukkah is over on thursday so there are no more holidays between then and christmas day. >> jon: damn you, o'reilly. [ laughter ] we've within checkmated. without hanukkah we have no excuse to say excuse to say happy holidays plural because apparently you can't include anything past christmas like kwanzaa and new years. but that means up until hanukkah you can only say happy hanukkah but what the (bleep) cares about that who else is peeing on the you'll log this year.
>> macy's a company i generally like. >> jon: macy's isn't christmassy enough for you? this macy's? the one emblazoned with a bejeweled believe sign that could be seen from space? [laughter] the one that looks as though someone ejaculated tinsel all over it? that macy's? [laughter] [ applause ] what have they done? >> this year they are touting santa claus who will help you quote "with your holiday wish list." so here is my question to macy's what holiday is santa celebrating? >> jon: that is say good question -- that is a good question. he is celebrating the feet feast of st. nicholas which originated in the netherlands and occurs every december 6. you may not have heard about
that because every other holiday is sucked into the black hole that is christmas. by the way, you are upset with a department store because in their effort to get to you buy the hello kitty figurine they are not invoking christ's name enough. i thought christmas was too commercialized. >> i love the commercialization of christmas because it spreads the cheer. it's the most jolly holiday on the calendar. >> jon: obviously. commercialization is spreading christmas cheer. i have been confused about the holiday. i thought it was about opening ones home to friends not opening a present and returning it for credit. anyone who denounces those things is waging war on
christmas, sarah palin, bill o'reilly meet your newest nemesis. >> today pope francis denounces trickle down economics as unfair to the poor. >> calling for catholics to resist excessive capitalism and materialism. >> jon: when will the pope stop his war on christmas? [laughter] [ applause ] well, i hope his message is heard and some day macy's will truly honor the spirit of christmas. [ laughter ] we'll be right back. [cheers and applause]ó8]÷ál-xj,u
i turn to more than any other tweeter because i likes my news like i likes my ladies, short and punchy and delivered secondhand by anonymous sociopaths. [laughter] that doesn't really speak highly of me, does it? without twitter how else would i learn about revolutions in iran or nonexistent fights with angry ladies on airplanes? and this weekend twitter came through again. >> the republican national committee tweeted a photo of rosa parks. the caption said today we remember rosa parks' bold stand and a role in ending racism. >> jon: it's over! [cheers and applause] ahhh! [laughter] it's official. sick a fork in racism it's done. thanks to rosa parks racism
completely ended. that's why all history books on racism post 1955 are completely empty. [ laughter ] >> you may ask why did they make it so big then? shut up. >> now, you may say to yourself, well, -- you may say to yourself what qualifies the rnc to make the call about racism being over. who would know better than the racism ended than a group of old white men. they are saying racism is done. once something is tweeted you can't take it back, right? >> the rnc tweaked their tweet after many expressed anger and dismay at the comment. >> jon: you officially announce the end to racism and
three hours later you start it again. you know what that makes you? indian givers. i know that is racist because racism is back now that's why i said it. that's right. i'm allowed to -- racism is back -- if it was over -- [laughter] archie bunker died in my ear. what did they say exactly? >> the new tweet read previous tweet read today we remember rosa park's bold stand and her role in fighting to end racism. >> i suppose it's a little more accurate. they did, later, have to issue a third tweet clarifying also instead of rosa park's bold stand we should have gone with refusal to stand which is what she did and today we remember #oops which was followed by and by remember we don't mean we
ever forgot her but it was a long time ago and wow, am i not out of characters out #twitter #ofuc and then the final tweet and can we just say how good was the butler? the movie not black people as butlers not to say they are bad at it. oh, no here we do go about #why do i keep hitting send? ????] èv$,x 1@,x"0"0"0"0
chawdz. >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight actor the lead vocalist of 30 seconds to mars his latest film is "dallas buyers club." >> the whole purpose of study is to determine if it's helping people. >> you know there ain't no helping. >> doesn't mean we have to stop trying. >> why are you so good to me? bless your little heart. >> promise me you show up for the rest -- >> i promise you that i'll try my very best. >> i want you to mean it. >> jon: very good in this. please welcome jared leto. [cheers and applause]
>> jon: soak it in boys. soak it in. enjoy the feeling. [ laughter ] >> why did you sit down? >> jon: i feel like your narc older brother right now trying to convince to you go back to school. sit. my friend -- >> yes. >> jon: what a performance you give in this film and a beautiful film. >> thank you. >> jon: it's out. they can see it. >> you can see it. >> you can walk to a theater and see it. >> jon: you won an award today. >> i did. >> jon: the new york circle -- critic's circle. >> yeah, i did. >> jon: is that a ceremony? do they call you? >> just a couple of hours -- i didn't know about it. i know now. [ laughter ] he didn't just tell me. [ laughter ] >> jon: i'm a news man! [laughter]
breaking news, you are an award winning actor. >> finally. but, yeah, i did. this new york film critic's circle award. it's quite an honor, really humbling. i hadn't made a film in almost six years. to come back and get this love and support is nuts. >> jon: you hadn't made -- was there something in particular about this story that you thought i need to get back in the game, or had you decided prior to that? >> i thought i would look pretty good in a skirt. >> jon: as most would agree you pretty much look good. i don't think it matters, skirt, bag, top hat, beard. i doesn't really -- you know, it's a nice thing for you. the thing that surprised me about this. they do a role they have to maybe lose a little weight or change -- you had to do all these things. >> yeah.
>> jon: but you had to do them in three weeks. that seems like not a tremendous amount of preparation time. >> it's not. i lost 30, 40 pounds. >> jon: sorry? >> i lost 30, 40 pounds. >> jon: in three weeks? >> no, through the course. i did lose a lot in the first few weeks. i stopped eating. >> jon: thinks -- so that's your plan, don't eat. >> the less you eat the better actor you are. i kept it to 300 or 400 calories a day. [ laughter ] you should love. >> jon: that's one cheese doodle. my god, man, how did you survive? as you are working because the days are long. you are in this character work it's an intense emotional movie prague -- playing these scenes. do you feel like you are going to pass out at some point? don't you need the energy?
>> it's a good question and that's kind of the point. you lose the weight. you stop eating not because of way it looks. it's great. it's a benefit. they just laughed, right? [laughter] i'm on to you. [ laughter ] but it changes the way you talk, the way you walk, the way people treat you. it changes your energy. you do it for the way it effects you. >> jon: and did that then -- did you find people believed you to be more fragile? >> yeah. i mean that's a great way to put it. provided a lot of fragility. >> jon: and that -- when you were done with that process -- >> yeah. >> jon: how do you come back? >> therapy. [ laughter ] >> jon: it stays with you. >> it does. this film particularly i play a -- you saw a clip so i don't have to say but it was a really unique situation. so there was a voice, there was
a walk, a talk a whole thing. it takes a while to lose the muscle memory. i stayed in character the whole time. >> jon: at night, like when you are not on set? >> you can't really let go of that. you are constantly in that place. at least i was. i needed to be there in order to do what i had to do. >> jon: did you not -- the hardest thing i think for me other than obviously being a good actor -- [laughter] would be when not working, not doing foodstuff. so much of my downtime is food based. it's based on like -- i'm going to sit, sports center is on and that looks like a pease saturday. i'm going -- that looks like a pizza. i'm going to have sports center and pizza. >> you get an empty life quickly. which is good for the film because all you have left is your work. >> jon: did you give up -- no
music? no nothing? >> i was focused on the the film. we shot it in 25 days. it was quick. >> jon: the bandsome coulding back. there's a documentary out today about the battle with your record label? >> yeah in which they sued us for $30 million after we found out we sold millions of albums and not only were we not going to be paid a penny we were millions in debt. we looked it in and they promptly sued us for $30 million. we thought them for a -- fought them for a few years and filmed it all. >> jon: when they informed you you owed millions of dollars did you say to them we sold millions of records and they said, o you found out about that? >> they talk about this crazy business and that unholy relationship between art and commerce. >> jon: the record companies are going away.
the distribution model is a thing of the past. that's why they want $30 million because they realize in a couple of years they are out the door. >> fortunately we didn't. we made an album that is called this is war that did really well, went on to sell millions of albums and the guy at the helm of the company lost control of company and lost $1 billion or maybe more in the process. i just gave away. >> jon: is that how the movie ends? >> yeah. >> jon: dallas buyers club in theaters ó8]÷ál-xj,íj ,96z 0úxhçhç4=4=p%u
- i'll tell you one thing-- when the unsullied make it to westeros, they're gonna annihilate people. - wait, wait, dude, hold up. - it's gonna be crazy. - first of all, slow down. second of all, i'm not up to that yet. - oh, i'm sorry. - no, yeah. - i didn't know that. - i will erase it. - ass is like da-dow, blizz-ow. i'm like, "peace." you know what i'm saying? like-- - jordan, right now-- like, right now--you must listen to how this white dude is talking to black people. - get out of my face with yo tommy bahama ass. i'm trying to make some big dough. i'm a dj. - no, no. - "i'm a dj." - i put that pussy on the chain wax, son. - he puts the pussy on the chain-- - that's pathetic. that's pathetic. - what's up, girl? - he's walking this way. he's totally walking this way. - oh, no, i can't. i can't. i can't. - just go with it, dude. just go with it. - hey! - i can't. - [calmly] hey! how's it going? - key and peele, right? - good. - so stoked you guys are here. thanks for coming out. you guys rock. awesome. yo, kevin, let me get some red vines! - [clears throat]
- want to get out of here? - yep. [soul music] ♪ [cheers and applause] - whoo! whoo! [cheers and applause continue] thank you so much. i am keegan-michael key. - and i'm jordan peele. - and we are key and peele. thank you for coming out tonight, everybody. - thank you for coming. [cheers and applause] - you know what we're fed up with? the news. - well, yes, we talk about the news a lot. the news is annoying to us. - right. - the way that the news stations are getting their news now is just basically from the internet. - yeah, yeah, it's like they're checking their ipads at the desk. - uh, next we will discuss a new way